Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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