I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
