I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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