I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
