Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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