69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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