well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize