oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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