do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Bring me that man meat
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
