There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
