I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
