apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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