I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
