I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
