If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
