college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
