Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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