no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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