You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
