I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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