Kiss
Puke
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize