how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
