I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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