Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
