i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
