You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
