and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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