The maid of honor just puked.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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