I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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