I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize