More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
