I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
