I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
