I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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