It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize