you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
