ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize