TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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