I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
