There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
