The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
