Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
