she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
