I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
