Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
