who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
