Duck Duck Cougar?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
