what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
