Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
