i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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