If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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