I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize