i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
