So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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