I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
