Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
