I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
