Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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