You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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