I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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