I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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