All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
