i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
