Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize