He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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