i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
