just tell him i said nine months
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize