I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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